Reading back on my last few blog posts I realized they are all on the sad and/or dark side. Though they are all accurate, there have in fact been some things I have done over the last 8 months that I am proud of and that I feel good about. I’d like to highlight these to balance my blog a little bit with some brightness. All of these things I would of never (actually ever) thought I would do. As I am often reminded, it can be almost insane how things turn out…
- I left my husband. It took me several weeks to actually get to this point even after my world had been shattered by him. This was the toughest decision of my entire life.
- I sold my house. An inevitability with my situation and a difficult process. I loved our home, we had two fireplaces that myself (as well as the dogs) loved to get cozy in front of and a beautiful sunroom where I kept my plants.
- I got rid of 80% of my stuff. In sorting through everything for the sale of the house I realized I had way more shit than I would’ve liked to admit. My bestie, mom and sister generously donated their time to help me with this awful process. Going room to room declaring ‘mine, his, donate or garbage’ was brutal and emotional at every turn. It was the last thing in the world I wanted to do but had no choice. My best friend pointed out gently that in a way my home was like my relationship. It looked great but there had been things put away in corners and cupboards instead of being dealt with. It was time to purge. I must of put 50 bags of garbage out at my curb. That means I was living in a home with 50 bags of garbage (no I’m not a hoarder though it may sound that way).
- I quit my job. After deciding to leave my husband this was the second hardest decision I have ever made. I had a small team of young women at my place of work. It wasn’t just your average work relationship, we had built ties that in a lot of cases made us closer to each other than even our immediate families. I loved all of them very much (I still do) and after what happened I couldn’t give them what they needed. I was despondent and self absorbed for an awful period of time during the beginning of my grieving process. When I left a place I had helped build I knew it was for the best but it was still crushing. I not only loved the girls but I had clients I had forged deep relationships with and leaving them was also heartbreaking.
- I decided not to buy or rent a new place, getting a storage unit for my stuff instead. Also tough, the same bestie of mine talked me out of a rash decision to rent a place that wasn’t going to be right for me. So what did I do for a living situation? Well…I didn’t.
- I had my hair braided. I had this done once when I was around 16 years old and NEVER thought I’d do it again. It was the best… I had mermaid hair, I didn’t have to wash or style it and it was a great conversation starter.
- I drove to California. I took 4 days and drove from my hometown near Toronto, Ontario to San Diego, CA. I left at the beginning of April in my Honda Element with a suitcase, an inflatable paddle board and my two dogs. I’m still in California now and after travelling up the coast to Oregon I’m back in SD. I love it here, so much so that it felt like coming home. More on this once in a lifetime trip later….
- I got two tattoos. Said I’d never do this, did it. I had a massive perspective change with everything in life. I’m a bit extreme so instead of going and getting my first tattoo I decided to get my ‘first two tattoos’ at the same time on my 29th birthday.
- I started this blog. Boom. I struggled initially getting all of this out there to the world. After all of the heartache I just hadn’t been ready to do this but now I feel that even though I’m still deep in it, I finally am.
FACT: Your entire life changes with a divorce, it is an all encompassing event and you can’t move forward with everything in the way you once thought you would. My advice would be to jump into it, it doesn’t matter what thoughts people have on it or how difficult/irrational some of your ideas may be. You need to heal and that’s an individual process for everyone.