After I left my husband I wasn’t really in my right mind. I may of appeared to be on the outside but I had pretty much f*cking lost it. After the first couple of weeks had passed I started somewhat functioning on the outside. I was going back to work, seeing friends, etc. but I couldn’t remember things, I was spacey, I was extremely selfish and things I once found important seemed irrelevant. I was moving through life on autopilot, there are parts of these first months that I hardly remember. It was tough to make the best decisions for myself while living in crazy town. If a friend was going through what I did this would be my advice to them…
DO. Take a break from social media. Get.off.all.social.media. Black out on everything; Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, even Linked In. Everything. People are going to say things you don’t want to hear and you’re going to see things you don’t need to see. On top of that, people will be checking your profile for signs of anything they can gossip about. Are you hanging out with someone else? Are you going on a vacation? Have you updated your statuses on what’s happening? You don’t need any part of that.
DON’T. Google ‘best breakup movies.’ This is a mistake because some of them are truly terrible. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind = awful film choice to watch if you’re already feeling sad and depressed, I don’t know who writes those lists.
DO. Sit in your terrible emotions, let it be more awful than you ever imagined, stay up crying all night for several nights until you’re done with that part. If you immediately try to pretend that you’re okay and put on a face everyday, the feels will sneak up on you anyway.
DON’T. Divulge everything to everyone. Some people will have good intentions, others just want to know what’s happening so they have the info to use when necessary. Some aspects are ultimately nobody’s business unless you choose to make it so.
DO. Take a step forward when the time is right (it likely won’t ever feel 100% right so your best guess). It can be a small step, think a walk outside. It can be a larger step like journaling or taking up yoga. Whatever it is, something has to give. Without that first step you’ll be stuck in the ‘sitting in emotion part’ forever. If you’re having trouble with this recruit a friend to help push you forward, I literally mean push as you may want to stay rooted in your dark place.
DON’T. Jump in to something new with someone new. I dived headfirst into a terrible semblance of a relationship with someone. My best friend and another woman I respect very much told me this was a terrible idea. I didn’t listen to either and did what I felt like doing anyway. It was great at first and then I ended up hurting myself and destroying someone else in the process. I’d like to tell you I didn’t know what I was doing but I did. I have no excuse, I have to feel badly about it, move forward and hopefully help someone else not do the same thing.
You’ll move down into crazy town for a while after a separation (I visited with a lot of other broken hearted people there). You might just reside in town or really go off the deep end and even become the mayor. It might start to feel like crazy town is not a bad place to be but you can’t stay there. Heed the good advice people give you, when it’s coming from the right place you’ll know it to be true in your heart.